Last night I was sitting in the living room watching T.V. when one of my dogs farted. They looked at each other, then looked at me and walked out of the room. What kind of crap is that?!  I yelled after them, " No way are you pinning that shyt on me!". Then I thought, I'm arguing with dogs? Why do I need to convince the dogs I didn't fart? One of them KNOWS I didn't, because it was them! Now I just need to figure out which dog I need to convince, lol. Yep, stick me in a straight jacket. I've obviously lost my mind.

Diets suck. What makes diets worse is bad diet food. Sadly I have a almost 2 hour commute daily and have lots to do when I get home to make up for my 12 hr absence.  I need low cal food that's going to be ready, FAST. I have seen Lean Pockets on every trip to the store and never bought them. Then I was lured in by a coupon that I received by that little machine @ the register that vomits coupons when you pay.  $1 off. Why I was taken in by a single friggin dollar off coupon is a subject for another blog. Anyway, I'd like to post some warnings for those of you that may also somehow end up with a box of these.

#1 Two "pockets" come in a box. The first one isn't for eating, it's actually a "Test Pocket". This one will most likely explode or become so glued to the sleeve that it will be rendered inedible. This test pocket is so that you can adjust the cooking time from Explosion, to simply Lava.
#2 The pocket will most likely not fit in the sleeve. Just cram in it there as best you can which will break off the entire top of the pocket. Now you have yourself a Lean non-pocket openfaced lava hot sandwich
#3 Make your pocket well in advance of being hungry. I'm not sure how long it takes these things to cool down, but I waited 10 minutes and still lost the roof of my mouth.
#4Don't expect it to be good. First, it is diet food, after all. Second, this is the red-headed stepchild of the Hot Pocket. If pepperoni pizza really tasted that bad, there wouldn't be a pizza joint on every corner.


Now I'm going to go wash my burnt to smithereens mouth out with salt water as punishment for falling for that $1 off coupon.

Once upon a time, there was this loud bratty little girl. She would stand on the stage in the mall and sing and dance. Things haven't changed so much in 30 some years. I'm still loud. I'm too old to be called bratty, but there's a new "B" word I hear often that seems to fit. I don't sing and dance on the stage at the mall anymore. Do malls even have stages anymore? Probably not. They're probably considered dangerous now, lol. Everything is deemed dangerous these days. Do you remember the Old School Chuck E Cheese? It was friggin awesome! It was made up of 10 rooms of darkness and danger. Woodpaneled sharp edged awesomeness! You could hide from your parents for HOURS. We did. It was great. A couple years ago I went to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese for one of my friends children ... it's ruined!! It's one giant brightly lit room full of rounded corners. I challenge you to get injured in that place. Injuries build character, people. I can think of about 10 instances off the top of my head where I've scarred myself for life BUT, also learned the lesson, "I'll never do that shyt a second time". For instance, putting remote control cars under your feet and hitting go. It still sounds like fun, and may actually work if not executed by a 7 yr old, but the forever lump on my skull says to me, I'll never do that shyt a second time.