My day as a United Airlines Flight 0391 Displaced Person
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We all hate air travel. More to the point, we all hate airlines. They do as they want with complete disregard to their passengers. I once flew via US Airways on a trip to Vegas on a plane that I'm convinced was being held together by duct tape alone. Duct tape holding the tray tables up. Duct tape around the window frames. Duct tape doing 'God knows what' on the ceiling. But hey, the flying duct tape bucket got me there on time, and that's more than I can say for my recent bout with United ... Three times ... In one day.
I got up at 3 am to be sure I had time to get to the airport, return the evil rental car, check in my luggage and sit patiently for 30 minutes before boarding time. All was going well until the luggage check in.
Ticket Agent: Are you on our 6 am flight?
Me: Yep
Ticket Agent: Oh wowww.. You didn't hear? You flight is delayed.
Me: I didn't get an alert. When did this happen? How long is it delayed?
Ticket Agent: About 20 minutes ago. It's delayed till around 8
Me: Then I'm going to miss my connecting flight. What are my options?
Ticket Agent: Ummmm... there's another connecting flight but it's two hours later than your connecting flight now.
Me: Well... aren't I going to be two hours late? That means it'll work. Book it.
Ticket Agent: Oh wowwww... it won't let me change your flights. You need to call United's 800 #.
Me: Isn't there a special phone # for people you just screwed?
Ticket Agent: Noooo... sorry.
After 40 minutes on hold on the United 800 # I tell this new guy my story...
United agent: We can book you on a new flight from where you're at now that leaves at noon but there's two connecting flights to your destination.
Me: Look... I don't need a new flight from here. Keep me on the same flight. I need a new connecting flight.
United agent: But the current flight is delayed. You're going to miss the second flight.
Me: EXACTLY. I NEED a NEW SECOND FLIGHT
United agent: But I can book you on a plane from NYC that's on time.
Me: I just turned in my rental car. I'm stuck in this shit hole. Work with me!
United agent: There's a flight that leaves for Seattle at 5 pm tonight.
Me: Are you even looking at my reservation? I'm going to So Cal. Give me anything in SO CAL. San Diego, LA, Orange County, whatever. I'll take anything.
United Agent: Are your flying dates flexible?
Me: I'M SITTING AT THE AIRPORT! Remember? The rental car? That was like 3 minutes ago that I told you I just returned it. Where could I have wandered off to between now and then?
United Agent: Sorry ma'am.
Me: How about the flight that's scheduled to leave 2 hrs after my currently reserved connecting flight.
United Agent: Oh, yes, that plane has open seats available.
Me: BOOK IT.
Two hours later I land in airport #2. As I turn on my cell phone, I get an Alert from United that my first plane was delayed for 2 hours. At this point I call my mom to let her know I would be late. After all I've got dogs I'm supposed to be picking up in various locations, work to get back to, and a life to resume. I relayed to her the chaos that ensued before flight #1 and we're laughing about the insanity of it all, naively thinking it's all behind us. We hang up. I sigh, and start my trek to the departing gate where I anticipate an hour wait. Then I glance at The Board of Flights. Oh my God. Rescheduled United Flight 0391... Rescheduled ...6 PM! It's only 11 now!
Some guy walked up next to me and bangs my arm with his bang. What an asshole. Then he drops a GIANT F BOMB and throws his baseball cap at the screen. I know he's on my flight, and I instantly like him. And suddenly he's way hotter than he was 30 seconds ago, (apparently I like a well executed outburst, who knew? lol) "Flight 0391?" I said. "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" he yells and storms away. So I call my mom and tell her about the latest catastrophe, and that the dogs will need to be re-routed. She's expecting company, and suddenly my delays aren't so funny. United is ruining lives from one coast to the other! Insanity.
So I try to fill my time. I eat, I get the most obscene sized frappuchino that Starbucks offers and give myself a decent case of brainfreeze, I wander, I pretend to shop. I'm officially an airport gypsy. That's when I notice my cell phone battery was starting to get low because of my constant checking on my flight status and my angry facebook posts. Uh oh ... I packed my charger in my luggage. No more facebook, no more flight updates. I need to conserve energy. My netbook is already down to half power from the first delayed flight, so I'm hesitant to use that one either. I need to buy a cell phone cord, but there's no electronics accessory store in this airport.Greaaat. Then I remember having seen those portable battery operated chargers that are already charged. Yay! I go to the store, find one that fits my phone, make sure it says on the box that it's already fully charged and I throw 30 bucks at the cashier and start ripping open the box as I walk over to an empty gate area. I couldn't have been happier putting all the pieces together, knowing I had solved my power issue. I plug it in to my phone, and ... nothing. It's completely dead. Ugh. I read the meager directions included, thinking somehow I must have set this thing up wrong. I had it right. It was just dead. But! The directions DO say that you can plug this device into your computer to re-charge it! So I make the decision to sacrifice the netbook for the good of the cell phone. I'll charge the charger with the remaining netbook battery and then hook the charger up to my cell phone. I'm brilliant! Sorry about your luck netbook! And it works! But I still conserve battery power on the cell because we're only at the half way mark, and God knows whats going to happen from here on out.
While draining and charging, some girls sit at the nearly empty gate. They like my bag, so I like them. Apparently they're nomads from northbound flight that was cancelled. They're on standby. They've been wandering for an hour ... (amateurs). One of the girls notices water dripping from the ceiling with a trash can underneath it. "You should have seen it before, it looked like a waterfall", I said. "How long have you been here?" they ask. "Four hours", I said. They look at me in amazement. I'm not sure whether to be embarrassed or wear it like a badge of honor. I chose honor, lol. I smile and nod my head, "Yep, three more hours to go". One of the girls suggested we go to the smoking lounge. Smoking Lounge?! I was soooo there.
Let me tell you a little about the Smoking Lounge. It's a big glass box with a half assed ventilation system. The best thing to compare it to would be something you would stick an Iguana in. The smoke was so thick in this pseudo room that when the door opened, it was much like when a space ship opened it's door in a SciFi movie. Your eyes burn, the air is thick, and yet any smoker would shut up and sit down gladly. We did. 30 minutes later we departed from the hot boxed room smelling like we'd been through a fire and we were fine with it. The girls managed to get on the next flight out.
After a few more hours of wandering and battery conserving, the plane comes in. 30 minutes late, but it comes in. Finally, light at the end of the tunnel! We board, we sit, we listen to the safety instructions. The jet powers up and I'm happy as can be, when the captain comes on the loud speaker, "Sorry folks, we're down to two runways right now. We've also got an unscheduled plane that just landed. It looks like we're going to be delayed". I swear to you, I burst out laughing. Can this really be happening? We were SO CLOSE! So so very close. Sigh...
It was 7 pm when we finally left on our six hour journey to So Cal. There was turbulence 90% of the way. After six hours in the dark, unable to sleep, we all departed the plane completely defeated and disheveled. Myself and my fellow former gypsies shuffled down to the baggage claim area and stared at the motionless carousel. And airport attendant spoke up, "Are you guys from United flight 0391?", everyone turned and looked at him, "Your luggage has been here all day. It's against the wall". After collecting my luggage and getting my car out of hawk in the airport parking lot I drove home with all the windows down and the stereo full blast so I made it home alive. It was midnight when I got there. 24 hours of pure airplane hell. I wonder when I'll get the notice that my second flight was delayed.
I got up at 3 am to be sure I had time to get to the airport, return the evil rental car, check in my luggage and sit patiently for 30 minutes before boarding time. All was going well until the luggage check in.
Ticket Agent: Are you on our 6 am flight?
Me: Yep
Ticket Agent: Oh wowww.. You didn't hear? You flight is delayed.
Me: I didn't get an alert. When did this happen? How long is it delayed?
Ticket Agent: About 20 minutes ago. It's delayed till around 8
Me: Then I'm going to miss my connecting flight. What are my options?
Ticket Agent: Ummmm... there's another connecting flight but it's two hours later than your connecting flight now.
Me: Well... aren't I going to be two hours late? That means it'll work. Book it.
Ticket Agent: Oh wowwww... it won't let me change your flights. You need to call United's 800 #.
Me: Isn't there a special phone # for people you just screwed?
Ticket Agent: Noooo... sorry.
After 40 minutes on hold on the United 800 # I tell this new guy my story...
United agent: We can book you on a new flight from where you're at now that leaves at noon but there's two connecting flights to your destination.
Me: Look... I don't need a new flight from here. Keep me on the same flight. I need a new connecting flight.
United agent: But the current flight is delayed. You're going to miss the second flight.
Me: EXACTLY. I NEED a NEW SECOND FLIGHT
United agent: But I can book you on a plane from NYC that's on time.
Me: I just turned in my rental car. I'm stuck in this shit hole. Work with me!
United agent: There's a flight that leaves for Seattle at 5 pm tonight.
Me: Are you even looking at my reservation? I'm going to So Cal. Give me anything in SO CAL. San Diego, LA, Orange County, whatever. I'll take anything.
United Agent: Are your flying dates flexible?
Me: I'M SITTING AT THE AIRPORT! Remember? The rental car? That was like 3 minutes ago that I told you I just returned it. Where could I have wandered off to between now and then?
United Agent: Sorry ma'am.
Me: How about the flight that's scheduled to leave 2 hrs after my currently reserved connecting flight.
United Agent: Oh, yes, that plane has open seats available.
Me: BOOK IT.
Two hours later I land in airport #2. As I turn on my cell phone, I get an Alert from United that my first plane was delayed for 2 hours. At this point I call my mom to let her know I would be late. After all I've got dogs I'm supposed to be picking up in various locations, work to get back to, and a life to resume. I relayed to her the chaos that ensued before flight #1 and we're laughing about the insanity of it all, naively thinking it's all behind us. We hang up. I sigh, and start my trek to the departing gate where I anticipate an hour wait. Then I glance at The Board of Flights. Oh my God. Rescheduled United Flight 0391... Rescheduled ...6 PM! It's only 11 now!
Some guy walked up next to me and bangs my arm with his bang. What an asshole. Then he drops a GIANT F BOMB and throws his baseball cap at the screen. I know he's on my flight, and I instantly like him. And suddenly he's way hotter than he was 30 seconds ago, (apparently I like a well executed outburst, who knew? lol) "Flight 0391?" I said. "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" he yells and storms away. So I call my mom and tell her about the latest catastrophe, and that the dogs will need to be re-routed. She's expecting company, and suddenly my delays aren't so funny. United is ruining lives from one coast to the other! Insanity.
So I try to fill my time. I eat, I get the most obscene sized frappuchino that Starbucks offers and give myself a decent case of brainfreeze, I wander, I pretend to shop. I'm officially an airport gypsy. That's when I notice my cell phone battery was starting to get low because of my constant checking on my flight status and my angry facebook posts. Uh oh ... I packed my charger in my luggage. No more facebook, no more flight updates. I need to conserve energy. My netbook is already down to half power from the first delayed flight, so I'm hesitant to use that one either. I need to buy a cell phone cord, but there's no electronics accessory store in this airport.Greaaat. Then I remember having seen those portable battery operated chargers that are already charged. Yay! I go to the store, find one that fits my phone, make sure it says on the box that it's already fully charged and I throw 30 bucks at the cashier and start ripping open the box as I walk over to an empty gate area. I couldn't have been happier putting all the pieces together, knowing I had solved my power issue. I plug it in to my phone, and ... nothing. It's completely dead. Ugh. I read the meager directions included, thinking somehow I must have set this thing up wrong. I had it right. It was just dead. But! The directions DO say that you can plug this device into your computer to re-charge it! So I make the decision to sacrifice the netbook for the good of the cell phone. I'll charge the charger with the remaining netbook battery and then hook the charger up to my cell phone. I'm brilliant! Sorry about your luck netbook! And it works! But I still conserve battery power on the cell because we're only at the half way mark, and God knows whats going to happen from here on out.
While draining and charging, some girls sit at the nearly empty gate. They like my bag, so I like them. Apparently they're nomads from northbound flight that was cancelled. They're on standby. They've been wandering for an hour ... (amateurs). One of the girls notices water dripping from the ceiling with a trash can underneath it. "You should have seen it before, it looked like a waterfall", I said. "How long have you been here?" they ask. "Four hours", I said. They look at me in amazement. I'm not sure whether to be embarrassed or wear it like a badge of honor. I chose honor, lol. I smile and nod my head, "Yep, three more hours to go". One of the girls suggested we go to the smoking lounge. Smoking Lounge?! I was soooo there.
Let me tell you a little about the Smoking Lounge. It's a big glass box with a half assed ventilation system. The best thing to compare it to would be something you would stick an Iguana in. The smoke was so thick in this pseudo room that when the door opened, it was much like when a space ship opened it's door in a SciFi movie. Your eyes burn, the air is thick, and yet any smoker would shut up and sit down gladly. We did. 30 minutes later we departed from the hot boxed room smelling like we'd been through a fire and we were fine with it. The girls managed to get on the next flight out.
After a few more hours of wandering and battery conserving, the plane comes in. 30 minutes late, but it comes in. Finally, light at the end of the tunnel! We board, we sit, we listen to the safety instructions. The jet powers up and I'm happy as can be, when the captain comes on the loud speaker, "Sorry folks, we're down to two runways right now. We've also got an unscheduled plane that just landed. It looks like we're going to be delayed". I swear to you, I burst out laughing. Can this really be happening? We were SO CLOSE! So so very close. Sigh...
It was 7 pm when we finally left on our six hour journey to So Cal. There was turbulence 90% of the way. After six hours in the dark, unable to sleep, we all departed the plane completely defeated and disheveled. Myself and my fellow former gypsies shuffled down to the baggage claim area and stared at the motionless carousel. And airport attendant spoke up, "Are you guys from United flight 0391?", everyone turned and looked at him, "Your luggage has been here all day. It's against the wall". After collecting my luggage and getting my car out of hawk in the airport parking lot I drove home with all the windows down and the stereo full blast so I made it home alive. It was midnight when I got there. 24 hours of pure airplane hell. I wonder when I'll get the notice that my second flight was delayed.
